There are two things you have to look forward to when your heart is broken.
Things can only get better, surely the pain can get any worse
and some one will better will be apart of the healing process.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Laura is my IDOL
My name is Jackie and I'm here to say
Laura Cummard is my idol in every way
Shes always happy and likes to have fun
Shes naturally the best at anything she has ever done.
I wish I could play ball or just be like her
I will log out of my email and blog from now on that's for SURE
Love you Jack:)
Laura Cummard is my idol in every way
Shes always happy and likes to have fun
Shes naturally the best at anything she has ever done.
I wish I could play ball or just be like her
I will log out of my email and blog from now on that's for SURE
Love you Jack:)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Feels like home to me.
Ok, I guess its about time for an update...if Heidi is blogging again you know that it is time to start up. How bout I start with the good...I am still working at Justice, yay! Literally one of the happiest jobs I have ever had, I know its sick but I can see myself working there till I am 50. No need to worry I won't...I already evaluated the pros and cons of doing so, and realized I wouldn't progress:) Maybe being a business owner of some sort though?? I definitely love sales. Which brings me to my other bit, not only do I love sales but I love to talk sales, and I have realized that talking sales to an outsider is worse than pushing pins in their eyes (as I have learned from trying to share my enthusiasm with my less than aloof siblings who could care less). I find myself being borderline nosy when I walk into a store, whether it be Charlotte Russe or Wal Mart, I want to know where there at in there day, that meaning how much money they have brought in, what is the average transaction like, how their associate will treat me, and there conversion rate...doesn't all that sound exciting??!! Call me a nerd, but I love it! Another problem I have attained is feeling bad telling an associate no to what they are trying to sell me, its the stupid left over side effects of being a people pleaser, they still lurk around every now and again. An example, I went to Pac Sun as a 'just looking' customer, the ones I usually try to convert, and I started up some ole sales talk with the manager, made friends and so by this point I felt to bad to just leave. Because A: I would ruin the conversion, and B:...I dont think I have a B, I just felt too bad. So I bought some dumb mindless items, knowing very well I did not need them, and so 20 minutes later I was at another Pac Sun, making sure NOT to make friends with the people who worked there and quickly returned my purchases. Needless to say I am working on how to say 'no'.
Ok I have no idea how I got from talking about the good that is happening in my life to that ridiculous story. Anyway, moving on. I am still at my beloved parents house, taking online classes and like I said earlier practically living at Justice. Things are good here, not nearly as difficult as I thought it would be to be here again after being gone for 4 years. But by the same token it is a great motivator for me to get back down to thatcher. I know I am going to miss my job more than anything if I go back, because chances are I will have to work a crappy work study or CNA job, but I keep telling myself there will be other greater social payoffs, such as institute and devotional, church activities that you are almost forced to go to because there is nothing else to do ( i don't mean that to have a negative connotation), roomates YAY! my own house ( I havent had my own space in about 7 months now, I freakin miss it!) actually taking meaningful classes, and best of all performing again, CHEER!:)
Well thats about where I am at right now, working, attempting online classes, trying to save along the way, and nightly wanting to punch Casey in the face cause he is so annoying...life is ok, no major complaints.
Ok I have no idea how I got from talking about the good that is happening in my life to that ridiculous story. Anyway, moving on. I am still at my beloved parents house, taking online classes and like I said earlier practically living at Justice. Things are good here, not nearly as difficult as I thought it would be to be here again after being gone for 4 years. But by the same token it is a great motivator for me to get back down to thatcher. I know I am going to miss my job more than anything if I go back, because chances are I will have to work a crappy work study or CNA job, but I keep telling myself there will be other greater social payoffs, such as institute and devotional, church activities that you are almost forced to go to because there is nothing else to do ( i don't mean that to have a negative connotation), roomates YAY! my own house ( I havent had my own space in about 7 months now, I freakin miss it!) actually taking meaningful classes, and best of all performing again, CHEER!:)
Well thats about where I am at right now, working, attempting online classes, trying to save along the way, and nightly wanting to punch Casey in the face cause he is so annoying...life is ok, no major complaints.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
The grass is green right here.
Once upon a time, I thought the grass was greener on the other side. I thought If only I could do this, if only I could be there, If only he would like me, if only I would look like this than maybe, just maybe I might be happy.
On May 5, I left the town of thatcher thinking I would never go back, and I was satisfied with that judgment of mine. 4 months have gone by, five hundred thoughts and experiences later...oh what I would give to be back down there. Cabin fever could be a catalyst of this rash desperate opinion of mine. When I say cabin fever I mean seeing eating and breathing my crazy family life, they have basically been my life this summer...And I want OUT!!! Dont get me wrong I love them all, but I forgot what it was like to not have them around. To do what I wanted to do, make my own stupid mistakes, and have the freedom and luxuries to do so. Now a days it is quite the opposite, it has been mighty humbling having to rely on them, but it also gives me that extra encouragement to do what I need to to move forward and be on my own.
I think my first year at EA I was extremely self conscious and unsure about what I was doing, and rightfully so, it was my first time on my own, my first time using my money, everything I was doing was so foreign to me and I wanted to make sure that what I was doing was looking good to other people. A year later, and after reaping the paltry rewards of a people pleaser I realize that it doesn't matter what others think. That no matter if I did have the 'perfect' first year of college, if I did attend a University, if I was on scholarship, if I did have a boyfriend, If I was smart with every penny of my money, something still would have went wrong, under the microscope of other people somewhere along the line it wouldn't have been enough for other people. Its a never ending hole of un happiness when you try and play the role of a people pleaser and look gooder ( I just coined that new phrase). On the other hand, if you can sit yourself down, get real with the things that are going on in your life, the good the bad and the ugly, address it all, make a decision that you are ok with where you are at that exact moment , and become painfully honest with what YOU want, I think that is when happiness and progression can settle in and you can learn to see the lush vibrant green grass that you are already standing on.
Notice how I say learn to see, because its not something that just shows up one day. Its a behavior/ way of thinking that you teach yourself. Sometimes it takes just one bad day for some one to say I am sick of this, I dont like the way I feel when this happens, I am going to change this, tomorrow will be different starting with this new behavior...and then if your an Arnett it sometimes takes months even years of not liking whats happening for you to finally quick hitting that same wall, and decide to get a ladder and climb it. You have to get creative, you have to stop doing what you have always done and try something new.
Now back to me wanting to go back. I realize that it will in no way be the same EA it was the past two semesters. But as I was telling Missy who is going back, it will be a new EA, with new people and experiences awaiting her and I think that she is ready for that. I think anyone can be ready for that kind of change, and that being down there again with a new mind set will make it better than what it has been in the past.
Unfortunately I will not be going back down there, I am way too much in love with my new job, I am committed to saving my money, and I think its time for me to stick with a plan. At least for 3 months...I am learning to just take things a day at a time. Moral of the story, Im not sure, how bout I am a rambler/Motivational speaker:)
On May 5, I left the town of thatcher thinking I would never go back, and I was satisfied with that judgment of mine. 4 months have gone by, five hundred thoughts and experiences later...oh what I would give to be back down there. Cabin fever could be a catalyst of this rash desperate opinion of mine. When I say cabin fever I mean seeing eating and breathing my crazy family life, they have basically been my life this summer...And I want OUT!!! Dont get me wrong I love them all, but I forgot what it was like to not have them around. To do what I wanted to do, make my own stupid mistakes, and have the freedom and luxuries to do so. Now a days it is quite the opposite, it has been mighty humbling having to rely on them, but it also gives me that extra encouragement to do what I need to to move forward and be on my own.
I think my first year at EA I was extremely self conscious and unsure about what I was doing, and rightfully so, it was my first time on my own, my first time using my money, everything I was doing was so foreign to me and I wanted to make sure that what I was doing was looking good to other people. A year later, and after reaping the paltry rewards of a people pleaser I realize that it doesn't matter what others think. That no matter if I did have the 'perfect' first year of college, if I did attend a University, if I was on scholarship, if I did have a boyfriend, If I was smart with every penny of my money, something still would have went wrong, under the microscope of other people somewhere along the line it wouldn't have been enough for other people. Its a never ending hole of un happiness when you try and play the role of a people pleaser and look gooder ( I just coined that new phrase). On the other hand, if you can sit yourself down, get real with the things that are going on in your life, the good the bad and the ugly, address it all, make a decision that you are ok with where you are at that exact moment , and become painfully honest with what YOU want, I think that is when happiness and progression can settle in and you can learn to see the lush vibrant green grass that you are already standing on.
Notice how I say learn to see, because its not something that just shows up one day. Its a behavior/ way of thinking that you teach yourself. Sometimes it takes just one bad day for some one to say I am sick of this, I dont like the way I feel when this happens, I am going to change this, tomorrow will be different starting with this new behavior...and then if your an Arnett it sometimes takes months even years of not liking whats happening for you to finally quick hitting that same wall, and decide to get a ladder and climb it. You have to get creative, you have to stop doing what you have always done and try something new.
Now back to me wanting to go back. I realize that it will in no way be the same EA it was the past two semesters. But as I was telling Missy who is going back, it will be a new EA, with new people and experiences awaiting her and I think that she is ready for that. I think anyone can be ready for that kind of change, and that being down there again with a new mind set will make it better than what it has been in the past.
Unfortunately I will not be going back down there, I am way too much in love with my new job, I am committed to saving my money, and I think its time for me to stick with a plan. At least for 3 months...I am learning to just take things a day at a time. Moral of the story, Im not sure, how bout I am a rambler/Motivational speaker:)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
20 decisons that have changed me this summer...for better or worse.
1. Coming home from EA
2. being a Show Low EFY counselor
3. my cute little dance camp
4. going to Pennsylvania
5. deciding to come home from Pennsylvania
6. racking up more credit card debt
7. deciding not to use my credit card anymore
8. starting a job at Justice
9. Mine and Missys relationship
10. deciding to attend ASU
11. losing my purse and starting all over
12. deciding I really dont want to go to ASU
13. getting promoted at Justice
14. deciding I want to dance now more than ever before
15. getting a second and third job so that I can dance
16. oh and SYTYCD reminding me that I love to dance
17. learning not to ask everyone for an opinion
18. learning how to take resposibility from Dr. Phil
19. my talks with Wendy
20. deciding once more that Im sick of waiting around for preston
2. being a Show Low EFY counselor
3. my cute little dance camp
4. going to Pennsylvania
5. deciding to come home from Pennsylvania
6. racking up more credit card debt
7. deciding not to use my credit card anymore
8. starting a job at Justice
9. Mine and Missys relationship
10. deciding to attend ASU
11. losing my purse and starting all over
12. deciding I really dont want to go to ASU
13. getting promoted at Justice
14. deciding I want to dance now more than ever before
15. getting a second and third job so that I can dance
16. oh and SYTYCD reminding me that I love to dance
17. learning not to ask everyone for an opinion
18. learning how to take resposibility from Dr. Phil
19. my talks with Wendy
20. deciding once more that Im sick of waiting around for preston
Monday, August 17, 2009
My Poem
Please stop telling me what to do
but then I ask and thats your cue
do this do that, dont be a joke
Nursing school? I think you'll choke.
You can do what you put your mind to
but first ask me and I'll have to approve
Your twenty years old, not a child of eight
its time you know mail in rebate
You need a boyfriend, how long has it been
your getting homlier, that can be a sin
well this is what I say to one and to all
I am the greatest, and I will not fall
I know what I want, and I will not rest
I fight hard, put me to the test
Sometimes Im helpless, and out of gas
but i will never be the one to finish last
so please, next time when you feel you need to say
Just dont, Im sick of all the 'advise'
but then I ask and thats your cue
do this do that, dont be a joke
Nursing school? I think you'll choke.
You can do what you put your mind to
but first ask me and I'll have to approve
Your twenty years old, not a child of eight
its time you know mail in rebate
You need a boyfriend, how long has it been
your getting homlier, that can be a sin
well this is what I say to one and to all
I am the greatest, and I will not fall
I know what I want, and I will not rest
I fight hard, put me to the test
Sometimes Im helpless, and out of gas
but i will never be the one to finish last
so please, next time when you feel you need to say
Just dont, Im sick of all the 'advise'
Friday, August 14, 2009
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