He Is We - Tell Me

Inspired.

happily after has never been more engraved in my brain than what was today. happily after IS real. And it WILL happen for me. no matter what. today I realized happily ever after is a choice. a complete choice. now thats freedom.

Lately, I have hurt. In ways i never thought i would. But I am slowly finding out its cause God loves me. Its a tough lesson. One I havent been anxious to learn... I have actually been putting it off. Initially I was very pissed, I emphasize on VERY. But I am coming to realize that everything in this life can leave at any moment. nothing is promised. and along with that there is always going to be some one bigger, better, faster, smarter out there. you have to fight. You have to fight for what you want most. if not you will always be the victim. and at that point its no one elses fault but your own if you havent found happily ever after.

I read this talk well over a year ago, when my heart was still aching over Hayden leaving. Today though I listened to it on my phone as I got ready for school, and the words spoke by President Uchtdorf held such new and deeper meaning than it did before. I realized that because of the trials I have experienced, I have grown, I gained a new perspective. One that helps me further understand the love of our Heavenly Father.

Isn’t it remarkable to know that our eternal Heavenly Father knows you, hears you, watches over you, and loves you with an infinite love? In fact, His love for you is so great that He has granted you this earthly life as a precious gift of “once upon a time,” complete with your own true story of adventure, trial, and opportunities for greatness, nobility, courage, and love. And, most glorious of all, He offers you a gift beyond price and comprehension. Heavenly Father offers to you the greatest gift of all—eternal life—and the opportunity and infinite blessing of your own “happily ever after.”

Isn’t that what we all desire: to be the heroes and heroines of our own stories; to triumph over adversity; to experience life in all its beauty; and, in the end, to live happily ever after?

Now, my favorite part.

It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.

I almost died.

All is well up here in the north pole. The snow isn't eating me alive like I thought it would. I actually am still obsessed with jumping in the mounds of it as I'm walking to class. I have discovered that campus totally resembles Hogwarts when it snows. Its quite magical. The other day when it was snowing I made the comment to my roommate that it was 'coming down hard'...she just laughed. I think that means that it will get worse...much worse than what I saw. haha, I'm seriously such a newbie to this weird weather, but its all kinds of fun. I love walking everywhere, its not so bad not having a car, the other night it was 7 degrees when I walked home!!! And I was in leggings not pants...my skin is getting tougher!

Anyway, so I have a small story, and when I say small I mean long, so here it goes...Like the majority of college students I'm poor. I eat 3 poptarts a day. that covers all my meals. I have even managed to slow down on drinking soda...notice I didn't say stop. I will always have some quarters for some yummy diet coke. Today was a sad day when I wrote a fat check to the school for some left over fee's I didnt anticipate. You can see where I'm going with this. I am going to have to get a job. So, the mall isn't as hopeful as an option as it was before. NO ONE is hiring. Jamba juice is right across the street from me, but I'm still avoiding turning in my app...it was my LEAST favorite job. But everyone has been telling me about this plasma donating gig. Its really cool, lemme tell you how it works. You give your blood for one hour, twice a week and you get MONEY...50 MONEYS!!! I was sold. So I marched myself down to the plasma clinic 2 days ago. This was game on. I wore my heavy boots so I would weigh just enough to get through the doors...oh and kept my coat on. They pricked my finger, aint no thing, I didn't even flinch. The doctor man felt my heart beat all over my body, asked me some extensive questions regarding sex to make sure I wasn't "dirty" blood, tested my pee, and two hours later they let me into what I like to call now the Blood Room. I was totally calm. And things got even better when my phlebotomist was a total babe. We made small talk, he asked me what arm I wanted to use, I cutely said "You choose:)"...things were going way well. He inserted the needle, I was cool, and I started squeezing the tennis ball they gave me. I just kept telling myself "its one hour Jack, thats cake"...I even caught myself humming hymns...my phlebotomist liked that. I'm like 6 or 7 minutes in, and all of a sudden I feel starving!!! and then I realize im not starving, my stomach just feels funny... and then I felt really cold...So I got phlembotomy man, and just as I got his attention he started to look funny...or should I say fuzzy. And he was talking to me. But I couldn't hear him. Thats right I passed out. It felt like a 20 minute nap, with dreams and all. The only thing that brings me back to consciousness was the taste of vomit in my mouth. I had puked all over myself. I open my eyes and i have like 3 people in lab coats surrounding me. I wanted to die. The guys are all trying to clean me up...I begged them to just let me do it... I mean it was on my freaking pants! Worse part is they keep me hooked up to the needle for another 15 minutes to give me back my blood. Clearly I needed it, haha. I cant even describe to you on what level of disgusting/embarrassed I felt. I asked them what the heck happened cause I mean this is partially their fault! They didn't really offer too many reasons on why my body freaked, they just said I am "deferred" from their list now.

Just a couple hours on the job and they already laid me off. At least they were nice enough to send me off with a severance pay. I think it was a more "get the heck out of here" check.

I love that I always have these way awful experiences. I have come to the conclusion that I am Freak Girl. I will never be the "cute one", the "smart one", the "normal one"...I attract catastrophes. Always. I just pray that this experience was enough to hold me off for a while.

UTAH, again...

(Just my beautiful campus...)
Its ok though everyone. I'm totally happy to be here this time. I'm an aggie. That's right I go to a 'cow' school as my brother Danny would say. Nonetheless though it is stunning up here in Logan. freezing, but stunning. Utah State has a gorgeous campus, even as its decorated with all kinds of snow. I live with 2 grad students...it should be interesting to see how they handle me, and all my maturity:) Campus is like a 10 minute walk, not bad...Can I just say I am so happy to be back in school. I definitely feel like I have a stronger purpose now. It just makes sense to continue your education. I was very blessed to find the means to get here... and honestly I couldn't picture myself being anywhere else.