CONF.

Heres a surprise. I came down to Provo this weekend to head up to conference with my girlllzz. Pretty darn fun. Bryn even got us tickets but we still got turned away, it was sooooo packed. So Whit and I sat outside on the grass in temple square, the weather was phenomenal. Not kidding. Utah has been so incredibly nice this past week or so. So this conference sesh was not like any other I have been to in the past couple of years. I think because I was genuinely anticipating hearing our prophet and apostles voices. I have mentioned it before, but I am doing a whole lot more studying of past conference talks...and when I say studying I mean I walk to class and listen to em on my phone haha. But either way, becoming so familiar with the apostles has brought an earnest desire to hear more, it has strengthened my faith in the things that they preach. I have a new love for the men that lead our church. And so today, I was so grateful to be up in Salt Lake, to listen and feel the love that those men have for us. And just like all things divinely inspired, it came just in time. I couldnt think of a more appropriate time for counsel to come for me. I have got a month till school ends, and a THOUSAND questions on what I should do, and where I should be. It was good to be reminded today that God loves us. And that were not alone. There is so much guidance all around us. Tender mercies are everywhere. I have felt in an extra hour of sleep this week, in finishing a tough math exam, in a phone call from a friend I havent talked to in ages. The Lord is looking out for us, there are blessings scattered all about our everyday lives. And He is doing it on purpose. So with that being said, two best things of this week...#1 it was 70 degrees:) I went and bought summer clothes!! woop woop!! and #2 that I got to end this week with people I love.

Last B ball game of the semes!

welcome to growing up.

so im starting to notice that we never stop growing.

i used to think that there would just be "that age" when you had it together.

sorely mistaken. that age doesnt exist.

I always do this little exercise when I feel confused in life. Its called "in a perfect world"... I used to really like this game. It used to help me assess who I was, who I wanted to be and how to get there. I would ask myself "Jackie in a perfect world, what would be happening in your life?" I dont really like this game anymore.

Age has brought more experiences. some of them un pleasant. some out of my control. The kind that blind side you. "in a perfect world..." used to only consist of what experiences i wanted to create in my life. I never really had to take into account of how I would react to the experiences I didnt choose. Spoiled right? spoiled, and naive.

I guess you could say I am going through my first initiation into what we will now call the real world. This is where I have began deciding who is going to win. I am no longer 18 years old, I cant get away with the same "cute" mistakes and decisions as I have in the past. I dont get to blame much on immaturity anymore. I really do feel like this is a time in my life when I either sink or swim. Its been pretty un-nerving to realize that. Because its seriously a conscious decision every day. every. single. day. I have to decide to be strong jackie. not the weak one, who just wants to do whats easy. the one that wants to cry, and ask why.

"in a perfect world..." used to be something external. Looking back it really was just a control game, if anything. Life does not work that way though. You can do a pretty good job of aligning all your goals, even achieving them. But in the end we are not the ones who decide what growth we do and dont need. when our suffering begins and ends, we dont even get to decide when our joy is full.

Its all up to Heavenly Father. He knows our capabilities and capacities, He knows who and what we need. That has been a very frustrating truth to learn. It has meant letting go of my own tightly clutched beliefs and theories. My brother told me the other night that Heavenly Father is fully and completely aware of all the intricate details of our everyday life, our thoughts, feelings, desires and emotions. He knows whats going on in our head, and He has a plan. Nothing is by coincidence. His plan is greater than any idea or emotion that we can conjure up on our own.

I seriously hate this whole being out of control thing. I have always been obsessed with looking at my calendar, I love projecting where I will be in the future, I was all about a 5 year plan. These days I couldnt tell you where I will be next week haha. No, but seriously. But its ok.

Its a little bit scary. I kinda feel like I am walking in the dark. Not too sure where I am going to end up. And Im pretty positive that no matter how many birthdays I have, I will never have it all together. But I can learn to be happy now. I have learned to say "in a perfect world, can I please have enough inner strength to deal with the hard things in my life". And its completely possible. the hard things in this life were meant to be overcome. not succumbed to. it requires a bit of creativity. learning to do things you have never had to before. it means changing who you are, all that is comfortable, to reach a new level of happiness.

I will end with a quote that keeps me believing.

Our trials are not a reason to give up, but a challenge to improve ourselves, our pain is not an excuse to back out but an inspiration to move on.

Good Things to Come

I have posted about this before. But, man. the message is so powerful.

Back Home.

Spring break is over. Im home in Logan. And it really does feel like home. As my plane touched down in Salt Lake and I looked out my window, I was happy to see the snow covered mountains. How weird is that. I like it here, because its my new space. Its not like I have all kinds of new friends, and a social life Im eating up, but I am growing here. This is where I am supposed to be.

But lets recap how awesome spring break was. Thatcher was a hoot, and it was so nice to see my mom and dad. and of course the nine thousand other family members I have. I spent alot of time with everyone come to think of it. I saw all my sisters, and all my brothers, and there adorable children. It was nice to be able to pick up the little ones. and I know that sounds weird coming from me. But being so far away has just made me miss being able to interact with little kids. Caseys wedding was beautiful. I love Brit, our new addition.

And last but not least It was a complete blessing to spend 3 days with my best friend Danni. She has been such a huge support to me since I have been away, and just being able to hug her was completely comforting. I do have a best friend in this world, and she loves me and understands me. Were the type of girls that are fine just doing nothing when we are with eachother. This picture depicts it. Napping together for us, is bonding.

Spring break was much needed. Now its back to the grind. I have so much crap to do, and yet I am blogging. Its going to be a long week of adjustment.

Arizona.

Its like a whopping 70 degrees here. I have done pretty good at not complaing about Logans cold weather, but I will say I was a little more than stoked to wear sandals and a swim suit today.

I rode home with a couple randys on their way to Mexico. It was a fun drive. As soon as I pulled into Phoenix, a friend I went to EA with called and asked if I wanted to ride down to Thatcher with him for the weekend. HECK YES. So, late friday night I surprised Jess, and we have been having a blast ever since.

Oddly enough this past weekend were EA's cheerleading tryouts, so I tried out....JK, But my old coached asked if I would judge. It was fun to catch up with some of my old teammates.

It wouldnt be a complete spring break without hot tubbing...this is in Jaces front yard...he lives in a trailer...

Jess and I took a sunday drive. She showed me her and Dereks "spots".

Today, Jess and I went to lunch. R and R of course.

I am pretty happy to be home. Dont get me wrong I am really liking Logan, but Thatcher holds a very special place in my heart. I am loving not wearing boots and a heavy coat. I am pretty relieved that when I go back I will have only 5 weeks left of the semes. Geez, time is flying! Not to metion I just got a part time job I will start after the break! Busy, Busy, Busy!!! Im gonna soak in every second of this spring break...its the first time I think I can really appreciate being home.

my life be like.

Just some more good times. These are my girls. We all lived at the glorified hut at one point, cant seem to get rid of each other. Whitney and Bryndee live down in Provo, and often take me in on the weekends. They would be lost without me. I help them make friends.

and we must not forget missy. God bless her. although something tells me this is her last semester here!!!

Fruit. Photo of the Day.

This is as close as I am getting to eating fruit.

UP the hill...March Photo of the Day

yep, here she is. This hill that is the death of me. But look how sick Old Main is. I am obsessed with that A. The other night when I was walking home, I turned the corner RIGHT as the A started to light up. It simply made my day. It is so cool.