He Is We - Tell Me

Inspired.

happily after has never been more engraved in my brain than what was today. happily after IS real. And it WILL happen for me. no matter what. today I realized happily ever after is a choice. a complete choice. now thats freedom.

Lately, I have hurt. In ways i never thought i would. But I am slowly finding out its cause God loves me. Its a tough lesson. One I havent been anxious to learn... I have actually been putting it off. Initially I was very pissed, I emphasize on VERY. But I am coming to realize that everything in this life can leave at any moment. nothing is promised. and along with that there is always going to be some one bigger, better, faster, smarter out there. you have to fight. You have to fight for what you want most. if not you will always be the victim. and at that point its no one elses fault but your own if you havent found happily ever after.

I read this talk well over a year ago, when my heart was still aching over Hayden leaving. Today though I listened to it on my phone as I got ready for school, and the words spoke by President Uchtdorf held such new and deeper meaning than it did before. I realized that because of the trials I have experienced, I have grown, I gained a new perspective. One that helps me further understand the love of our Heavenly Father.

Isn’t it remarkable to know that our eternal Heavenly Father knows you, hears you, watches over you, and loves you with an infinite love? In fact, His love for you is so great that He has granted you this earthly life as a precious gift of “once upon a time,” complete with your own true story of adventure, trial, and opportunities for greatness, nobility, courage, and love. And, most glorious of all, He offers you a gift beyond price and comprehension. Heavenly Father offers to you the greatest gift of all—eternal life—and the opportunity and infinite blessing of your own “happily ever after.”

Isn’t that what we all desire: to be the heroes and heroines of our own stories; to triumph over adversity; to experience life in all its beauty; and, in the end, to live happily ever after?

Now, my favorite part.

It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.

I almost died.

All is well up here in the north pole. The snow isn't eating me alive like I thought it would. I actually am still obsessed with jumping in the mounds of it as I'm walking to class. I have discovered that campus totally resembles Hogwarts when it snows. Its quite magical. The other day when it was snowing I made the comment to my roommate that it was 'coming down hard'...she just laughed. I think that means that it will get worse...much worse than what I saw. haha, I'm seriously such a newbie to this weird weather, but its all kinds of fun. I love walking everywhere, its not so bad not having a car, the other night it was 7 degrees when I walked home!!! And I was in leggings not pants...my skin is getting tougher!

Anyway, so I have a small story, and when I say small I mean long, so here it goes...Like the majority of college students I'm poor. I eat 3 poptarts a day. that covers all my meals. I have even managed to slow down on drinking soda...notice I didn't say stop. I will always have some quarters for some yummy diet coke. Today was a sad day when I wrote a fat check to the school for some left over fee's I didnt anticipate. You can see where I'm going with this. I am going to have to get a job. So, the mall isn't as hopeful as an option as it was before. NO ONE is hiring. Jamba juice is right across the street from me, but I'm still avoiding turning in my app...it was my LEAST favorite job. But everyone has been telling me about this plasma donating gig. Its really cool, lemme tell you how it works. You give your blood for one hour, twice a week and you get MONEY...50 MONEYS!!! I was sold. So I marched myself down to the plasma clinic 2 days ago. This was game on. I wore my heavy boots so I would weigh just enough to get through the doors...oh and kept my coat on. They pricked my finger, aint no thing, I didn't even flinch. The doctor man felt my heart beat all over my body, asked me some extensive questions regarding sex to make sure I wasn't "dirty" blood, tested my pee, and two hours later they let me into what I like to call now the Blood Room. I was totally calm. And things got even better when my phlebotomist was a total babe. We made small talk, he asked me what arm I wanted to use, I cutely said "You choose:)"...things were going way well. He inserted the needle, I was cool, and I started squeezing the tennis ball they gave me. I just kept telling myself "its one hour Jack, thats cake"...I even caught myself humming hymns...my phlebotomist liked that. I'm like 6 or 7 minutes in, and all of a sudden I feel starving!!! and then I realize im not starving, my stomach just feels funny... and then I felt really cold...So I got phlembotomy man, and just as I got his attention he started to look funny...or should I say fuzzy. And he was talking to me. But I couldn't hear him. Thats right I passed out. It felt like a 20 minute nap, with dreams and all. The only thing that brings me back to consciousness was the taste of vomit in my mouth. I had puked all over myself. I open my eyes and i have like 3 people in lab coats surrounding me. I wanted to die. The guys are all trying to clean me up...I begged them to just let me do it... I mean it was on my freaking pants! Worse part is they keep me hooked up to the needle for another 15 minutes to give me back my blood. Clearly I needed it, haha. I cant even describe to you on what level of disgusting/embarrassed I felt. I asked them what the heck happened cause I mean this is partially their fault! They didn't really offer too many reasons on why my body freaked, they just said I am "deferred" from their list now.

Just a couple hours on the job and they already laid me off. At least they were nice enough to send me off with a severance pay. I think it was a more "get the heck out of here" check.

I love that I always have these way awful experiences. I have come to the conclusion that I am Freak Girl. I will never be the "cute one", the "smart one", the "normal one"...I attract catastrophes. Always. I just pray that this experience was enough to hold me off for a while.

UTAH, again...

(Just my beautiful campus...)
Its ok though everyone. I'm totally happy to be here this time. I'm an aggie. That's right I go to a 'cow' school as my brother Danny would say. Nonetheless though it is stunning up here in Logan. freezing, but stunning. Utah State has a gorgeous campus, even as its decorated with all kinds of snow. I live with 2 grad students...it should be interesting to see how they handle me, and all my maturity:) Campus is like a 10 minute walk, not bad...Can I just say I am so happy to be back in school. I definitely feel like I have a stronger purpose now. It just makes sense to continue your education. I was very blessed to find the means to get here... and honestly I couldn't picture myself being anywhere else.

My Woe is Me Post.

so ive been home. for 2 months now? its flown by. Utah was a dream ago. haha. its still funny to me that I came home. But I realize now that I am home, that this was totally something necessary that needed to happen to me. I needed to come home to clear my head. Since I have been back, I have lived at my parents, and now Im at my sisters. Kinda been a whirlwind.

Work is just the same as I left it 2 years ago. I like it. Family life has been draining. But I was asking for that.

And I am not going to school this semester. And I hate that. But, its a needed break, I've have been having doubts on my major, and the school I want to go to quite honestly. So I have 3 months to get a clearer plan.

Its hard to do that though, given my circumstances...

I am the biggest advocate when It comes to telling a young girl to live her life, do what makes you happy before you get married, find out who you are, and dont let a boy come between you and your dreams. If hes for you, he will stand on your side and let you achieve what it is you want. And I have gotten just that. I am incredibly blessed when It comes to having the one you love encourage you. I have been given the opportunity to fall in love (which was a blast, and so much fun) and then have that person sent away, which was another blessing, cause I also thrive when I am alone and get to choose exactly what it is I want to do. I have been given lots of years to grow because of boys missions. haha. thats funny. Timing has been great in that aspect. Anyway so as we all know time is winding down for Elder Richards. were down to single digit months. 8 more to go. that FREAKS me out. Where has time gone?! I am finding myself wishing I had a bit more time. I would love to save money for another semester, got teach english for 6 months, and then finish my bachelors. Well, sadly none of that will happen!! Im crunched for time now!....Ok so back to my initial point. Dont plan your life around a boy. Well guys, I love Hayden. He is coming home here pretty quick, and I cant help but do that. Hate all you want. Your preaching to the choir though. Its been 15 months, I am still in as much love with this kid as I was the day he left. Some thing is to come of us. I have kept myself up so late at night worrying about where I need to be when he gets home to put us in the best spot for us to date, and then along with that where will it best be for us to go to school...and if any of you are missionary experts like me, you would know that when they are this deep in their mission, 'home/school life' is the last thing they care about or can even fathom. and for me, worrying about school is my second job. So, I am left with all the deciding. And we all know that I don't make the best decsions. I actually make large amounts of poor decisions. I wish there was a such thing as fool proof plans. A plan that will give me insurance. One where 4 months after I've decided I wont be like 'Jackie your a moron'...Thats where I need to learn to live with a decision of mine that sucks. I am so nervous about BYUI, but its also the one I feel most 'right' about. I think It will be the most beneficial. I keep telling Danni Im gonna hate the people up there, but she raised a good point the other day. she said 'Jack you hate everyone no matter where your at' hahahaa, man that is so sad but true. Thats a huge hint to me that I need to go up there. Im bound to learn something.

Just sweet nothings.

If he makes you a hand made card for your birthday, its love.

psychhh!!!!!!

haha...I dont even know how to begin this post. The post that sums up what exactly has happend these past 2 months. Its been a learning experience for sure. I basically learned that I'm still pretty immature, and most my instincts are horrible. But, with all that being said Utah is an interesting place. One, Its gorgeous, absolutley stunning. Two, its odd. And I will just leave it at that. No need to drag this out. Im coming home. Home being Arizona. Not Eastern Arizona, haha. But just back to where everyone I love lives.

Honestly, I am so tired of analyzing why I moved to Provo, why I wanted to leave Provo, and my motive to coming home. So, I have decided that if anyone asks, I'm just saying 'I dont know'. I am exhausted. None of it makes sense to me either. Lets chalk it up to me being one big giant baby. I'm honestly good with that, its alot easier to say that, then try and explain my every thought and emotion.

So, here goes nothing though, with me moving home. Im changing my attitude toward home. I am going to enjoy the heat while I can. I am going to work extra hard at being kind to my family. I am going to let my sisters paint my toe nails, watch The Notebook at 3 in the morning, and I will even let them read my love letters from Hayden...EEEKKK!!! Were going to get sooooo close with eachother. (thats funny people. Cause I know for a fact none of my sisters will take me up on that offer. Their idea of 'quality time' is making me sit in a hot SUV with their screaming children, as they scavenge a thrift store). haha, ok that was a bit of a dramatic illustration of our relationship. I know I will be able to count on Chea for a good soda on any given afternoon, Wendy will be the most willing to run with me, Heidi...well Heidi will just be Heidi, her and I can battle it out for who can be the most annoying. Chann, lives far away. Which means I can use her as my getaway. And I musnt forget my sister in laws, they got my back too. So, as you can see I have many people back home who love me. And I havent even mentioned my sweet loving parents, and my brothers. Its gonna be one big giant party. haha, like my enthusiasm?! I just turned something that was my worst nightmare 4 months ago, into a 'giant party'...oh I am going to get good at this positivity thing.

Anyway, so this is my summer sum up. But Im not quite finished yet. No post would be complete with out bringing up Hayden. He is doing so good, and getting skinnier in every picture he sends. I now am on the countdown. No longer do I say 'he's been out 12 months', I say 'he's coming home in 11 months'...that is the greatest feeling ever. Guys, this isnt some fake, made up thing. He is the greatest thing that has happened to me. And somehow were still in love. What a blessing.

Ok well there you have it. I keep making mistakes. C'est La Vie.

this could be my last spring in Arizona...

Hi peeps, haha, can I say peeps when I know only a few read this? Anyway, those of you out there who care to gander at this...things are good!!! Really good!!! This semester has zoomed by for me! I will walk away from Eastern Arizona as the girl who took forever to get her certificate of transfer, but its done! I am moving to Utah in about 3 weeks, I have a job lined up. Im not moving there with my original intent of going to BYU...but I AM going! Its kinda weird, and now that its coming so close Im wondering if I really want to go...I know it will be a good stepping stone. Just scary. Who knows I may come back after 3 days (Pennsylvania anyone?) Utah will slowly ease me into the cold weather. Rexburg is going to eat me alive in January. Im so very excited to go there though. People either say 'YOUR GONNA HATE BYUI'....or 'you'll LOVE it!!'...I just wanna see what its all about! I have a plan when I go up there, so I feel good about it. I thought for the longest time I wanted to teach high school, but through my education class at EA I have found I LOVE the little kids. too cute. Your gonna die when you read this, but I think kindergarten to 3rd grade would be my preference. talk about a change of heart. Ok back to Utah. I have great news. its gonna be me, dan, and missy again!! we cant seem to part as bff's. Its gonna be great, were gonna conquer the world, one college at a time. (thats funny cause neither of us will be going to school while up there).

Now, I have saved the best for last...Hayden is doing so good. He finally has a companion that isnt completely ridiculous. His companion appreciates him for the adorable/hilarious/genuine/caring kid that he is. I still miss him like crazy. But next month is a year!! I cannot believe it. I used to dream of these days last summer! He has remained the same and so have I...well kind of. we have both changed but we have understood eachother the same. I can still tell him everything. I am so lucky, If I can stay this lucky for just one more year...that would be a dream come true.

Alrighty, thats my little update. Maybe one day I will upload pictures of my perfect fun life. I dont wanna get too crazy though.

Elder Richards!!

Tell me he's not handsome!! The one on the right obviously!

Guys, I have a major issue....

I GOT LAID OFF!!!!!!

I feel great!!! Yes, initially its a problem, but I was not good at this job...I dreaded it...I was hoping to get rid of it (but afraid I would seem like a wimp) and it got rid of me! So now at this point, its finish out february and I'm done! and cheer is done too, so I guess now this means no excuse for bad grades. Things are still sweet down here, today it was 8 degree's...thats sick and wrong. Our house water pipes were frozen...I have never even heard of that happening. Oh and Hayden hits nine months this month...AND I'M STILL IN LOVE!!!!!! oh and so is he:) He is doing more than good, you would think his letters get shorter the longer he is out but they definetley get longer. He is such a blessing in my life. Anyway, so thats my mini update for 2011...BYU-I app is in, WAHOO!

Finals are over...and I'm still alive.

What a week. I dont think I have ever broken out like this on my face since I was 13. Stress, Stress and more stress. But I managed to get through. A's an B's. Im pretty proud. Now my new little challenge is my new job. I work at Verizon. Which is kinda a joke because I was the girl who walked into this store a year ago and told the sales agent trying to sell me a phone that I didnt know what the hell a mail in rebate was and to quit talking to me like I knew what one was. I'm a trip. So you can imagine how well I am doing adjusting to this job. Lots and LOTS of information. But I have this innate ability to fool people into thinking I am listening and picking up everything their laying down. So if anything I at least look good in the business attire and high heels. All in all, I really am grateful for this job. It came at a crucial time, and kinda sealed the deal that I needed to stay here in thatcher for another semester. Anyway the good news is it all came to an end. I survived another semester of school, and I did it without Hayden. And the next big hurdle is getting through spring without my Danni and Missy...that and being able to explain a mail in rebate to a customer.

These are my cute adorable roomates who I have come to love with all my heart!!!

A typical day after classes...Danni is so weird.

the post office is where 90% of my joy came from this semester

This is what I do...can you believe that they pay me to do this hahahahahhahaha!!

I'm so grateful for 6 months.

There is not too much to be said about what has happened since I have last blogged…hence no recent post. But I have decided that its time to celebrate yet another milestone, on thanksgiving Hayden had been out six months! I couldn’t have been more proud. Now at this point he is just serving a sister mission. 18 more months to go. Its crazy how fast this semester has gone by I can hardly believe I am taking finals next week. Plus 2 more weeks till I can talk to him. These past six months are so different than what my first semester was when I first attended EA. I mean Im in the same town, Im on the same cheer squad, I have most the same roommates, heck im even retaking some 101 classes. But the person I am is completely different. And for that I am extremely grateful. I used to be terrified of change, and scared that I was either doing too much of it or the wrong kind of it, but I am learning that change is growth. I try not to make all my posts about hayden, but he is such an example to me, and not to mention a huge blessing in my life. This whole experience of him being gone, started off so very bitter for me. I was very upset that I had to let go of something so meaningful to me. The last 6 months have come to show me that there were other blessings in store for me, blessings and experiences that wouldn’t have arrived without his absence. I was so terrified that him being gone meant he wouldn’t know me anymore or I wouldn’t be able to include him in my life. I was so wrong. I would say he is the person that is closest to me in my life. I am still able to tell him all my worries, my jokes, my plans, and stories. And the same for him. Every week I hear another story on a family they are teaching or how his testimony has grown is some new way. And It makes more and more sense every week why I met him, and why he is serving, and the role he still plays in my life . I still haven’t figured out what big mission I am supposed to accomplish while he is gone, but I think that’s the great beauty of it. I don’t feel like I have to accomplish something huge in order for him to come home and love me. Im pretty sure I am supposed to get close to being done with my bachelors…and maybe that’s it. Maybe school is supposed to be highest priority. Whatever it is, I’m ok with it. Yes I still cry every now and again, but I have finally accomplished a significant amount of time. 6 months, this is HUGE people! And even just looking back to last Christmas, I can hardly believe I was just moving back down here. It feels like last week. I know time really doesn’t move foreward any faster than it has the rest of your life, but I am sure grateful for the feeling of it moving faster. Im gonna go ahead and call it a Christmas Miracle…well at least its my own personal Christmas Miracle. Anyway, that is my little mini thought on these past few months, and an update on Hayden. Don’t miss me too much, im sure I will have many more interesting things to say after Christmas!

Hey everybody its October!!!

Well, I am pretty stoked that this month is October, because A. that means its fall, and B. this month Hayden hits 5 months gone. I havent really updated since I got down here, just cause I dont have the internet at my house, and to be really honest Im pretty occupied with school. I will sum things up though since august. Cheer has been treating me good, the games every weekend keep me busy. Some days I feel like a wash up though haha, its definitely time for me to retire some time soon. School, is pretty stressful and stress free at the same time. I really only have one math class that requires my full undivided attention every night in the library. I make sure that I stay on top of that at all times, because I dont have my tutor anymore to keep me going. As far as thatcher goes, I still love it. Its become a home to me. But the more the semester goes on the more me and Dan and Missy just laugh that were here. We feel like a bunch of creeps. Its just not the same place it was last semester, but I totally called that one. So its all good, we keep to ourselves and manage to still have fun down here. The future plans sound a little like this...get done what I can down here while Im still on scholarship, and then possibly trying out some Utah.

Anyway, as far as my sweet missionary goes he is doing great. no surprise there. I hear from him twice a week, in an email and in a letter. and I love that, I feel so blessed to still have him so close to me. I definitely have progressed these past couple of months, that dull aching pain in my heart has slowly subsided. Im not as emotionally torn up, I just take it a day at a time, and somehow I get through the days, I seriously cant believe I have finally arrived in October, I thought these days would never come!!There is still a hole in my heart, some days in the week it hits me hard, and I just wish I could talk to him, but I am doing my best. Im pretty sure that I wouldnt trade or re-arrange any of the experiences Im having now...ask me that in the summer and I wouldve punched you. But now It all feels pretty 'meant to be'. It helps to hear how much Hayden is growing, I can see the Lord working through him and changing him for the better, truly grateful for that, and because of that I could never wish that things would've worked out differently than they are now.

I do believe that sums up this semester so far. Not too bad eh? Time is ticking, and that makes me happy, and not only is this month the five month mark, but today is only 599 more days! Woop Woop!!!:)