My Woe is Me Post.

so ive been home. for 2 months now? its flown by. Utah was a dream ago. haha. its still funny to me that I came home. But I realize now that I am home, that this was totally something necessary that needed to happen to me. I needed to come home to clear my head. Since I have been back, I have lived at my parents, and now Im at my sisters. Kinda been a whirlwind.

Work is just the same as I left it 2 years ago. I like it. Family life has been draining. But I was asking for that.

And I am not going to school this semester. And I hate that. But, its a needed break, I've have been having doubts on my major, and the school I want to go to quite honestly. So I have 3 months to get a clearer plan.

Its hard to do that though, given my circumstances...

I am the biggest advocate when It comes to telling a young girl to live her life, do what makes you happy before you get married, find out who you are, and dont let a boy come between you and your dreams. If hes for you, he will stand on your side and let you achieve what it is you want. And I have gotten just that. I am incredibly blessed when It comes to having the one you love encourage you. I have been given the opportunity to fall in love (which was a blast, and so much fun) and then have that person sent away, which was another blessing, cause I also thrive when I am alone and get to choose exactly what it is I want to do. I have been given lots of years to grow because of boys missions. haha. thats funny. Timing has been great in that aspect. Anyway so as we all know time is winding down for Elder Richards. were down to single digit months. 8 more to go. that FREAKS me out. Where has time gone?! I am finding myself wishing I had a bit more time. I would love to save money for another semester, got teach english for 6 months, and then finish my bachelors. Well, sadly none of that will happen!! Im crunched for time now!....Ok so back to my initial point. Dont plan your life around a boy. Well guys, I love Hayden. He is coming home here pretty quick, and I cant help but do that. Hate all you want. Your preaching to the choir though. Its been 15 months, I am still in as much love with this kid as I was the day he left. Some thing is to come of us. I have kept myself up so late at night worrying about where I need to be when he gets home to put us in the best spot for us to date, and then along with that where will it best be for us to go to school...and if any of you are missionary experts like me, you would know that when they are this deep in their mission, 'home/school life' is the last thing they care about or can even fathom. and for me, worrying about school is my second job. So, I am left with all the deciding. And we all know that I don't make the best decsions. I actually make large amounts of poor decisions. I wish there was a such thing as fool proof plans. A plan that will give me insurance. One where 4 months after I've decided I wont be like 'Jackie your a moron'...Thats where I need to learn to live with a decision of mine that sucks. I am so nervous about BYUI, but its also the one I feel most 'right' about. I think It will be the most beneficial. I keep telling Danni Im gonna hate the people up there, but she raised a good point the other day. she said 'Jack you hate everyone no matter where your at' hahahaa, man that is so sad but true. Thats a huge hint to me that I need to go up there. Im bound to learn something.