20 decisons that have changed me this summer...for better or worse.

1. Coming home from EA
2. being a Show Low EFY counselor
3. my cute little dance camp
4. going to Pennsylvania
5. deciding to come home from Pennsylvania
6. racking up more credit card debt
7. deciding not to use my credit card anymore
8. starting a job at Justice
9. Mine and Missys relationship
10. deciding to attend ASU
11. losing my purse and starting all over
12. deciding I really dont want to go to ASU
13. getting promoted at Justice
14. deciding I want to dance now more than ever before
15. getting a second and third job so that I can dance
16. oh and SYTYCD reminding me that I love to dance
17. learning not to ask everyone for an opinion
18. learning how to take resposibility from Dr. Phil
19. my talks with Wendy
20. deciding once more that Im sick of waiting around for preston

My Poem

Please stop telling me what to do
but then I ask and thats your cue

do this do that, dont be a joke
Nursing school? I think you'll choke.

You can do what you put your mind to
but first ask me and I'll have to approve

Your twenty years old, not a child of eight
its time you know mail in rebate

You need a boyfriend, how long has it been
your getting homlier, that can be a sin

well this is what I say to one and to all
I am the greatest, and I will not fall

I know what I want, and I will not rest
I fight hard, put me to the test

Sometimes Im helpless, and out of gas
but i will never be the one to finish last

so please, next time when you feel you need to say
Just dont, Im sick of all the 'advise'

i dropped my fifth phone of the summer in a toilet

need I say more (see 2 posts down)

"This Is So You Think You Can Dance, and Im your host Jackie Arnett!"

Ok so I am obssesed with "So you think you can dance". I dont know what it is, but that show just speaks to me. It could be all the down time I have on the days that I dont work but I like to re-watch all the episodes throughout the seasons, rate then re-rate all the dancers and the choreography, and it has just been a blissful experience for me, I do beleive that I have fallen in love with the art of dance again. Not that I ever stopped loving it, but my batteries have been re-charged again. I forgot what it was like to perform a piece in front of an audience that you have worked so hard on, and the gratifying feeling of a screaming audience, nothing like it I tell you. Dance has always facinated me, and since I was a little girl I knew I would be one someday. I used to think that 'someday' had already passed for me. I danced in high school, I was on the school dance team, I cheered in college, but I hate to say it ladies and Gents, but Im not done with dance, nor am I ready to set aside that continuing dream of mine. As many of you may know I am know heading my education in the direction of nursing, but I was thinking about it the other day what would be cooler than a nurse who also coaches her own dance team, or even still competes herself...I mulled it over and I think that is a brilliant idea! It is kind of alot to ask, but I firmly believe that I can have the best of both worlds. After all it was dance that taught me that I can do anything, I was by no means a naturaly gifted dancer like my beautiful niece Jancy, but in a time in my life when I didnt really feel like I was worth anything or that I was capable of accomplishing the secret dreams of mine, dance was the only thing I stood and fought for. It was the one passion that I kept burning when everything else in my life went numb. I do not usually have great vision, but with dance I have always been able to picture me perfoming and dancing so powerfully, and through my persistancy i was able to carry that over onto the stage. the power of positive thinking is real!! and dance taught me that. yes it did take me several years before I ever reached the point where I would allow myself to dance on stage with confidence, but it did happen, and I wanted it bad enough to where I wouldnt give up. So back to me not being a 'gifted' dancer, I think I am what you would call a dancer with heart. In the classes I would take and the teams I was on I always had to work a bit harder than the other girls to master a sequence of movements or the technique of turns, but I loved what I did so I would gladly persist. Dance became a powerful outlet for me, and as I am re-discovering it still is. And with that said I would like to present to you a dance performed by two of my favorite dancers on SYTYCD (one dancer is a favorite by default), the title of this dance is Heartbreaker, Look it up on youtube because I cant figure out how the heck to post it to my blog!

I love this dance because it illustrates perfectly how I feel. I think that sometimes it is just as painful to be the heart-breaker as it is to be the heart breakee. I know that just within this past year I have been progressing from moving on from a former love, and let me tell you it is hard as hell. There are days that go by that I dont even think of him, and I am happy with the person I am becoming without him. And then one week I will do nothing but think and dream of him day and night. It becomes a quite heavy and annoying repetive thought process. Because like Jeanine illustrates in this dance, no matter how hard you fight this person off, no matter how hard you throw them to the ground, and promise yourself that you are done, he still creeps his way in. Because on any given day I can go through my reportoire of memories with him and remember exactly how beautiful he made me feel, and how happy I became around him, but it doesnt change the fact that it is healthiest and best for me to leave it all behind today. Being a heartbreaker gets a bad rap alot of the time, one that describes you to be heartless and spineless, when in my book it means quite the opposite. The days when I can say 'I am done, its over, it was all worth it, but better days await me' are the days when I feel the strongest and most worth while. The cheap security that comes from holding on to him isnt worth neglecting the reality that I deserve the best even if I havent found it yet.