My Time To Shine

Well I am just going to update...Chea and I have an inside joke that my blog is the 'Peoples Punisher' (From Sydney White the movie), because no one reads my blog, partly because no one knows that I switched blog addresses and because my posts are long and drawn out, and I dont have pictures. But personally I like it this way, I can say whatever the heck I want...and for any readers who might be out there, I hope you enjoy, but if you dont, I dont give a hoot!

School is now in the home stretch for me, and I have bittersweet feelings. My roomates and I have finally decided to be social in the last two weeks of school, and so we have had alot of good times, but as I recall this is exactly what we did last semester! We stuck to ourselves and then when it came time for school to be over, we had some really good times. Isn't it funny how I sabatoged myself in this way...twice! Nonetheless, I am glad we have allowed ourselves to finally loosen up...and when I say we, I just mean me...as ironic as it is I am the anti-social one most the time.

I have a funny story to tell to exemlify that. The other weekend, a band came to safford to play, since this place is so hoppin you know? So the night previous to them playing we met at the Denny's, gave them our numbers and promised that we would go to the concert. No harm, and it was laid back enough for me to agree to go. So, the next night we are having a jolly good time at this concert, the music was pretty weird for my taste, but it kept my interest. It was Regae-Rap. So the last song is playing, and 5 or 6 girls decide to go up and dance in front of the stage, and if any of you know me there is nothing I hate more than being upstaged. Its funny cause these girls weren't trying to compete or anything, and its not like I was in love with this band...But all of a sudden I felt an overwhelming feeling to 'top' these ladies and prove that I was a bigger die hard fan than them...and So I did. Keeping in mind that this was all done in the name of attention. And so I jumped up on stage, and danced all up on the piano player, just giving him a run for his money ya know?:) For a moment there I felt like all the people in the auditorium were there to see me, it was great! Pictures were flashing from stage right, and then stage left, I felt like Hannah Montana. So the concert ends, we hang around to talk to the band, and I think that where it started to go up, I mean my wall of course. My roomates started discussing plans to hang out with the band, and I am thinking "why in the heck would I want to hang out with them, havent you ever heard of the term Go out on a Good Note?!' So I quickly informed them I would not be participating in this hang out, I just wanted to go home and read.

And so thus we see, either I am bi-polar, or scared. Im gonna go with the latter, because Im pretty sure bi-polar is a cop out. Isn't it retarted that I am nineteen years old and I still struggle to bring myself to hang out with other people. Because on most good days, I think I am cute, Im freaking funny, and I will entertain the crap out of anyone, but its like pulling teeth to get me to go to the institute building. Can anyone say Cliff?

Well the beauty of this situtation is that I am reading a book by Dr. Phil (dont anyone dis on him, he knows what he is talking about!) and I am learning why I do the things I do, what keeps me doing the habits of mine that I hate, and I no longer use the cop out 'well thats just the way I am'...Its really changed my perspective, I cant stop analyzing myself and all those around me. Its a liberating feeling to know that I am in control and that I can change my behaviors. I wish I could just place this knowledge in some of my loved ones brains. Because now when another hot band comes to Safford, I will say 'Hell yes we can hang out after the concert! And yes I know I got some killer moves!'