My Woe is Me Post.

so ive been home. for 2 months now? its flown by. Utah was a dream ago. haha. its still funny to me that I came home. But I realize now that I am home, that this was totally something necessary that needed to happen to me. I needed to come home to clear my head. Since I have been back, I have lived at my parents, and now Im at my sisters. Kinda been a whirlwind.

Work is just the same as I left it 2 years ago. I like it. Family life has been draining. But I was asking for that.

And I am not going to school this semester. And I hate that. But, its a needed break, I've have been having doubts on my major, and the school I want to go to quite honestly. So I have 3 months to get a clearer plan.

Its hard to do that though, given my circumstances...

I am the biggest advocate when It comes to telling a young girl to live her life, do what makes you happy before you get married, find out who you are, and dont let a boy come between you and your dreams. If hes for you, he will stand on your side and let you achieve what it is you want. And I have gotten just that. I am incredibly blessed when It comes to having the one you love encourage you. I have been given the opportunity to fall in love (which was a blast, and so much fun) and then have that person sent away, which was another blessing, cause I also thrive when I am alone and get to choose exactly what it is I want to do. I have been given lots of years to grow because of boys missions. haha. thats funny. Timing has been great in that aspect. Anyway so as we all know time is winding down for Elder Richards. were down to single digit months. 8 more to go. that FREAKS me out. Where has time gone?! I am finding myself wishing I had a bit more time. I would love to save money for another semester, got teach english for 6 months, and then finish my bachelors. Well, sadly none of that will happen!! Im crunched for time now!....Ok so back to my initial point. Dont plan your life around a boy. Well guys, I love Hayden. He is coming home here pretty quick, and I cant help but do that. Hate all you want. Your preaching to the choir though. Its been 15 months, I am still in as much love with this kid as I was the day he left. Some thing is to come of us. I have kept myself up so late at night worrying about where I need to be when he gets home to put us in the best spot for us to date, and then along with that where will it best be for us to go to school...and if any of you are missionary experts like me, you would know that when they are this deep in their mission, 'home/school life' is the last thing they care about or can even fathom. and for me, worrying about school is my second job. So, I am left with all the deciding. And we all know that I don't make the best decsions. I actually make large amounts of poor decisions. I wish there was a such thing as fool proof plans. A plan that will give me insurance. One where 4 months after I've decided I wont be like 'Jackie your a moron'...Thats where I need to learn to live with a decision of mine that sucks. I am so nervous about BYUI, but its also the one I feel most 'right' about. I think It will be the most beneficial. I keep telling Danni Im gonna hate the people up there, but she raised a good point the other day. she said 'Jack you hate everyone no matter where your at' hahahaa, man that is so sad but true. Thats a huge hint to me that I need to go up there. Im bound to learn something.

Just sweet nothings.

If he makes you a hand made card for your birthday, its love.

psychhh!!!!!!

haha...I dont even know how to begin this post. The post that sums up what exactly has happend these past 2 months. Its been a learning experience for sure. I basically learned that I'm still pretty immature, and most my instincts are horrible. But, with all that being said Utah is an interesting place. One, Its gorgeous, absolutley stunning. Two, its odd. And I will just leave it at that. No need to drag this out. Im coming home. Home being Arizona. Not Eastern Arizona, haha. But just back to where everyone I love lives.

Honestly, I am so tired of analyzing why I moved to Provo, why I wanted to leave Provo, and my motive to coming home. So, I have decided that if anyone asks, I'm just saying 'I dont know'. I am exhausted. None of it makes sense to me either. Lets chalk it up to me being one big giant baby. I'm honestly good with that, its alot easier to say that, then try and explain my every thought and emotion.

So, here goes nothing though, with me moving home. Im changing my attitude toward home. I am going to enjoy the heat while I can. I am going to work extra hard at being kind to my family. I am going to let my sisters paint my toe nails, watch The Notebook at 3 in the morning, and I will even let them read my love letters from Hayden...EEEKKK!!! Were going to get sooooo close with eachother. (thats funny people. Cause I know for a fact none of my sisters will take me up on that offer. Their idea of 'quality time' is making me sit in a hot SUV with their screaming children, as they scavenge a thrift store). haha, ok that was a bit of a dramatic illustration of our relationship. I know I will be able to count on Chea for a good soda on any given afternoon, Wendy will be the most willing to run with me, Heidi...well Heidi will just be Heidi, her and I can battle it out for who can be the most annoying. Chann, lives far away. Which means I can use her as my getaway. And I musnt forget my sister in laws, they got my back too. So, as you can see I have many people back home who love me. And I havent even mentioned my sweet loving parents, and my brothers. Its gonna be one big giant party. haha, like my enthusiasm?! I just turned something that was my worst nightmare 4 months ago, into a 'giant party'...oh I am going to get good at this positivity thing.

Anyway, so this is my summer sum up. But Im not quite finished yet. No post would be complete with out bringing up Hayden. He is doing so good, and getting skinnier in every picture he sends. I now am on the countdown. No longer do I say 'he's been out 12 months', I say 'he's coming home in 11 months'...that is the greatest feeling ever. Guys, this isnt some fake, made up thing. He is the greatest thing that has happened to me. And somehow were still in love. What a blessing.

Ok well there you have it. I keep making mistakes. C'est La Vie.

this could be my last spring in Arizona...

Hi peeps, haha, can I say peeps when I know only a few read this? Anyway, those of you out there who care to gander at this...things are good!!! Really good!!! This semester has zoomed by for me! I will walk away from Eastern Arizona as the girl who took forever to get her certificate of transfer, but its done! I am moving to Utah in about 3 weeks, I have a job lined up. Im not moving there with my original intent of going to BYU...but I AM going! Its kinda weird, and now that its coming so close Im wondering if I really want to go...I know it will be a good stepping stone. Just scary. Who knows I may come back after 3 days (Pennsylvania anyone?) Utah will slowly ease me into the cold weather. Rexburg is going to eat me alive in January. Im so very excited to go there though. People either say 'YOUR GONNA HATE BYUI'....or 'you'll LOVE it!!'...I just wanna see what its all about! I have a plan when I go up there, so I feel good about it. I thought for the longest time I wanted to teach high school, but through my education class at EA I have found I LOVE the little kids. too cute. Your gonna die when you read this, but I think kindergarten to 3rd grade would be my preference. talk about a change of heart. Ok back to Utah. I have great news. its gonna be me, dan, and missy again!! we cant seem to part as bff's. Its gonna be great, were gonna conquer the world, one college at a time. (thats funny cause neither of us will be going to school while up there).

Now, I have saved the best for last...Hayden is doing so good. He finally has a companion that isnt completely ridiculous. His companion appreciates him for the adorable/hilarious/genuine/caring kid that he is. I still miss him like crazy. But next month is a year!! I cannot believe it. I used to dream of these days last summer! He has remained the same and so have I...well kind of. we have both changed but we have understood eachother the same. I can still tell him everything. I am so lucky, If I can stay this lucky for just one more year...that would be a dream come true.

Alrighty, thats my little update. Maybe one day I will upload pictures of my perfect fun life. I dont wanna get too crazy though.

Elder Richards!!

Tell me he's not handsome!! The one on the right obviously!

Guys, I have a major issue....

I GOT LAID OFF!!!!!!

I feel great!!! Yes, initially its a problem, but I was not good at this job...I dreaded it...I was hoping to get rid of it (but afraid I would seem like a wimp) and it got rid of me! So now at this point, its finish out february and I'm done! and cheer is done too, so I guess now this means no excuse for bad grades. Things are still sweet down here, today it was 8 degree's...thats sick and wrong. Our house water pipes were frozen...I have never even heard of that happening. Oh and Hayden hits nine months this month...AND I'M STILL IN LOVE!!!!!! oh and so is he:) He is doing more than good, you would think his letters get shorter the longer he is out but they definetley get longer. He is such a blessing in my life. Anyway, so thats my mini update for 2011...BYU-I app is in, WAHOO!